[AGL] anusing

[Kathy]

Yes indeed, very smile making.
kathy
On Sep 13, 2009, at 11:18 AM, Fontaine Maverick wrote:


> Amusing indeed - made me smile. I'll look her up.

> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Michael Eisenstadt"  

> <mike.eisenstadt at gmail.com>

> To: <austin-ghetto-list at pairlist.net>

> Sent: Sunday, September 13, 2009 10:57 AM

> Subject: [AGL] anusing

>

>

>> The Tractor Driver or the Pothead?

>>  a.. By RHODA JANZEN

>> Published: September 11, 2009

>> Cosmic forces have a way of turning up the heat to make us change.  

>> Nothing gets your attention, for example, like being ditched by  

>> your husband for a guy he met on Gay.com, or having your car  

>> totaled by an inebriated youth six days later. Had I done anything  

>> to deserve these things? Nothing. I ran six miles a day and made  

>> my own yogurt! But when your husband is out canoodling with a  

>> dude, the thing to do is pack your bags and head home for a while,  

>> even if home is a Mennonite community 3,000 miles away in  

>> California and at 43 you're no longer a practicing Mennonite.

>>

>> Mennonites, by the way, are not the Amish, although both espouse  

>> simplicity, nonviolence and cabbage. And unlike the Amish, most  

>> Mennonites drive cars. Which is how my mom and I got to Circuit  

>> City one afternoon a few days after my arrival in late 2006.

>> We were in the customer-service line. Weary consumers clutched  

>> their disappointments, but my mother was in her usual cheerful  

>> spirits. The presence of strangers eight inches away  

>> notwithstanding, she suddenly said, "If there aren't any single  

>> men where you are, I know someone for you."

>>

>> "Who?"

>>

>> "Your cousin Mark - he's a professor in Nova Scotia," she said  

>> earnestly. "And he has a beach house."

>>

>> According to Mom, Mark (his middle name) and I had something in  

>> common: I teach college, too. And we had something else in common:  

>> grandparents. "Mark is my first cousin," I said. "That's both  

>> incestuous and weird."

>>

>> My Mennonite mother considered this. "Well," she said, "I think it  

>> should be fine if you don't have kids. You can adopt. Mark would  

>> make a terrific father. You should see him with his nephews."

>>

>> I had no idea how to reply. Maybe now was a good time to mention  

>> that, with my husband gone three months, I had already been out on  

>> a couple of dates. This new guy wasn't the love of my life, but I  

>> had lowered the bar, see. He wasn't Mr. Right, but he was Mr.  

>> Straight.

>>

>> Mom was disappointed, but she took it in stride. "What's your  

>> fellow like?"

>>

>> I was too emotionally battered to utter polite fibs. "He's a  

>> slacker, really. A relaxed pothead. He wears pajamas to Target."

>>

>> "Oh." She nodded supportively. "A relaxed pothead sounds nice."

>>

>> It made sense, I suppose, that a woman who would promote  

>> endogamous marriage would not blink at a pothead. "Maybe my cousin  

>> smokes a little weed," I said speculatively (although I'd bet my  

>> few remaining assets that he does not).

>>

>> "No," Mom said. "Mark would never do weed! He drives a tractor! In  

>> his spare time!"

>>

>> "How does driving a tractor prevent you from smoking weed?"

>>

>> By now several people in line were eavesdropping.

>>

>> "If you drive a tractor in your spare time," my mother said  

>> firmly, "it means that you have a strong work ethic, which is  

>> probably why Mark has had the gumption to earn himself a nice  

>> beach house."

>>

>> "Surely he doesn't drive his tractor on the beach?"

>>

>> "No! He drives it at his parents', of course! He gives the nephews  

>> rides."

>>

>> "Oh! I thought that he was working on the tractor!"

>>

>> "Mark works very hard," Mom said. "You know perfectly well that a  

>> tractor can be hard work and fun too. Like marriage."

>>

>> One of the best things about Mom is that she will follow you  

>> anywhere, conversationally speaking. "Mom," I said, "would you  

>> rather marry a pleasant pothead or your first cousin on a tractor?  

>> Both are associate professors."

>>

>> "You marry your pothead if you like," she said, "But as for me and  

>> my house, we will serve the Lord."

>>

>> "Hey!" I said, indignant. "How do you know the pothead doesn't  

>> serve the Lord?"

>>

>> "I think that the Lord appreciates a man on a tractor more than a  

>> man smoking marijuana in his pajamas," Mom said earnestly. "I know  

>> I do."

>>

>> "O.K., O.K.," I said, as we neared the counter. "I give up. I will  

>> marry Cousin Mark. Just as soon as he asks me. You'll be our first  

>> guest at the beach house in Nova Scotia. But I'm warning you now,  

>> there's gonna be a little weed on your pillow. Instead of a mint."

>>

>> She chuckled comfortably. "That's O.K. I don't like mints."

>>

>> Rhoda Janzen is the author of the memoir, "Mennonite in a Little  

>> Black Dress," which is being published next month. This essay is  

>> adapted from the book.

>