[AGL] Conch Alert!

[Wayne Johnson]

Conch?  You have a "conch"?

Frances!  You, of all people, transported a "conch"?

Don't you realize just how dangerous that is?  Haven't you read the many, many articles in Discovery or Scientific American or Lancet about the perils of...dare I say it...Conch Transportation. (Not to forget.....gasp....Transmorgrafication of the Conch.)

People have tried to do this and....never arrived home.   Highway patrol or other police officers find their dry, husk-like bodies. the ghastly sucker marks on their, uh, bodies and always....always....the dreaded slime trail leading off in to the forest.  I think X-Files did a piece or two on Conchs.  I am sure that there was a movie not too long ago with Brad Pitt, Antonio Banderas, Julie Andrews and Victor Mature, set in Guadamala called El Concho del Diablo.  Filmed entirely in a reddish sepia with theramin music especially composed by John Cage.  Or was it Nicolas Cage.  Whatever.

If you have a conch now, in your apartment, get rid of it immediately.  Give it to someone you really don't like.  Or maybe the mayor.  But don't...don't...under any circumstance RELEASE it into Town Lake.  You don't want the wails and moans of mothers crying for their lost children, or children crying for their lost doggies or lost doggies crying for ...whatever....on your consciousness.  Or conscience.  Whichever comes first.

Don't forget the old Russian Saying...Genyadi Borchnick vlemy Konckovestia!

I am sending this to you priority mail.

Pray you receive it in time!

Boris Dmitri Slavoyednya
  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Frances Morey 
  To: survivors' reminiscences about Austin Ghetto Daze in the 60s 
  Sent: Wednesday, April 26, 2006 2:04 PM
  Subject: Re: [AGL] Sarah from Dry Creek


  Susi,
  I was trying to think of what year I had made my Portland to San Francisco trek. I thought of looking at the conch. I remembered that you had dated it, July 4, 2004. 
  Best,
  Frances

  susan gilbert <ssg at efn.org> wrote:
    johnny used to take me there for beer and the jukebox, she never 
    asked for id.
    susi

    On Apr 25, 2006, at 4:47 AM, Michael Eisenstadt wrote:

    > My roommate and I remember the place well. Upstairs
    > one could sit on the porch and watch the sunset. The
    > only unpleasantness was going downstairs for another
    > bottle. She was remarkably unpleasant in every regard,
    > just buying a Bud from her was a hassle.
    >
    > In the photo, that is Bob Wade on the right. He is a
    > famous artist type guy.
    >
    > ----- Original Message -----
    > From: "Harry Edwards" 
    > To: "ghetto 2" 
    > Cc: "ghetto survivors" 
    > Sent: Sunday, April 23, 2006 1:58 PM
    > Subject: [AGL] Sarah from Dry Creek
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >>
    >>
    >> COMMENTARY: JOHN KELSO
    >>
    >> Happy birthday, Sarah: Now please don't throw me out
    >>
    >> Sunday, April 23, 2006
    >> Sarah Ransom didn't look all THAT crusty Saturday afternoon when she
    >> celebrated her 93rd birthday at the Dry Creek Cafe, the beer joint on
    >> Mount Bonnell Road she used to toss people out of.
    >>
    >> With a closing-in-on-elegant look about her, she had on pearls and a
    >> blue dress as she sucked on one Marlboro Lights 100 after another.
    >>
    >> Then she opened her mouth. "He wants to put my picture in the 
    >> paper so
    >> I'll have more boyfriends," Sarah said as a newspaper photographer 
    >> took
    >> her photo. "I've put more boyfriends in a coma."
    >>
    >> Boyfriends in a coma: We don't have a figure on how many of those 
    >> there
    >> were, although Jay "Buddy" Reynolds, a former state representative 
    >> and
    >> Sarah's son, says she's outlived four husbands.
    >>
    >> "You want to be next?" he asked. No thanks. I just shined my 
    >> shoes, and
    >> besides, I don't need the butt-whuppin'.
    >>
    >> Sarah used to be what is known around these parts as ornery.
    >>
    >> No longer, Buddy said.
    >>
    >> "Mom's been borderline diabetic for the last 10-15 years, and I think
    >> all that cussing and everything else crept in then," he said. "We've
    >> got her blood sugar under control now, and now she's just a
    >> sweetheart."
    >>
    >> This was not always so with Sarah, who now lives with a caregiver 
    >> over
    >> in Lexington. Buddy brings her to the bar about once a month.
    >>
    >> She opened the Dry Creek Cafe in 1956. A sign on a small brown 
    >> critter
    >> taxidermied in the bar says, "I am a ring tail cat."
    >>
    >> Over the years many may have thought the sign should have been hung
    >> around Sarah's neck.
    >>
    >> "A friend of mine was wearing some striped shorts, and her comment 
    >> was,
    >> 'What circus tent did you cut those out of?' " recalled David 
    >> Daniels,
    >> a longtime Dry Creek regular who drove all the way from 
    >> Nelsonville for
    >> the party.
    >>
    >> "One time, she tried to run Lance Armstrong off the road because he
    >> tried to pass her on his bike," recalled Cody Hudson, a customer and
    >> friend of Sarah's who sat at the table with her while she had her
    >> picture taken.
    >>
    >> Nobody got much slack from Sarah.
    >>
    >> "She hated Willie Nelson 'cause she said he came out here and 
    >> bothered
    >> people with his guitar, and she told him to go put it in his truck,"
    >> Cody added. "And he said, 'Ma'am, but it doesn't have any locks.' And
    >> she said, 'Well then, you better go with it.' And she kicked my 
    >> father
    >> out of here in the '60s because he got too rowdy."
    >>
    >> They say Sarah has a heart of gold if she likes you. They also say
    >> she'll eat your heart out if she doesn't. Not that most of the 
    >> regulars
    >> care. The canings she doles out are part, if not all, of her charm.
    >>
    >> "It seems like the more she abuses the public, the more they love 
    >> her,"
    >> said Bill Pacheco of Austin.
    >>
    >> "She was my landlady for four years, man," said James Owens, who used
    >> to rent a house from Sarah at the bottom of the hill behind the bar.
    >> "One time, I had a refrigerator that burned out. I said, 'All it 
    >> has is
    >> hot air.' And she said, 'Oh bull#$%^&; that refrigerator works fine.
    >> All you got to do is open the door and let the hot air out.' "
    >>
    >> "One time, I was in here, and a young couple was playing pool,"
    >> recalled Kay Hudson, who started coming into the bar in 1966. "The 
    >> kid
    >> leaned up against the jukebox, and she yelled, 'Get off that jukebox,
    >> or I'll break your arm.' "
    >>
    >> Yes, she's a real charmer. And I imagine next year, everybody will be
    >> back to tell more stories.
    >>
    >> "The other day, she asked me, 'Do you think I am going to live to be
    >> 100?' " Buddy said. "And I said, 'Yeah, if you start exercising and
    >> quit that smoking.' "
    >>
    >> Hey, if she works out and quits smoking, she may start throwing 
    >> people
    >> out again.
    >



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