[AGL] Old-folks jokes, not all that offensive...

[Frances Morey]

TO MY "MORE EXPERIENCED" FRIENDS

I feel like my body has gotten totally
out of shape, so I got my doctor's
permission to join a fitness club and
start exercising. I decided to take an
aerobics class for seniors. I bent,
twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down,
and perspired for an hour. But, by the
time I got my leotards on, the class
was over.

--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 
  "And what do you think is the best thing about 
  being 104?" the reporter asked. 
  She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

--- The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs.

--- Just before the funeral services,
the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was
your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two
years older than me." "So you're 96,"
the undertaker commented. She
responded, "Hardly worth going home, 
  isn't it?

--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two
bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and
diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, take
40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands
and feet anymore. Can't remember if
I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's
license.

--- A 97-year-old man goes into his
doctor's office and! says, "Doc, I want
my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied
the doctor, "you're 97 Don't you think
your sex drive is all in your head?"
"You're damned right it is!" replied
the old man. "That's why I want it
lowered!"

--- An elderly woman decided to prepare
her will and told her preacher she
had two final requests. First, she
wanted to be cremated, and second, she
wanted her ashes scattered over
Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher
exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be
sure my daughters visit me twice a
week."

---My memory's not as sharp as it used
to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp
as it used to be.

---It's scary when you start making the
same noises as your coffeemaker.

---The good news is that even as we get
older, guys still look at our boobs.
The bad news is they have to squat down
first.

---These days about half the stuff in my
shopping cart says, "For fast
relief."

---I've tried to find a suitable
exercise video for women my age, but
they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

---Don't think of it as getting hot
flashes. Think of it as your inner child
playing with matches.

---Don't let aging get you down. It's
too hard to get back up.!

--- Remember : You don't stop laughing
because you grow old, You grow old
because you stop laughing.

- --THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the
senility to forget the people I never
liked anyway, the good fortune to run
into the ones I do, and the eyesight
to tell the difference.

Now, I think! you're supposed to send
this to 5 or 6, maybe 10. Oh heck,
send it to a bunch of your friends if
you can remember who they are.



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