[AGL] Stop bickering, please

[Wayne Johnson]

Hey guys, this should stop.  

Frances is entitled to her opinion just as everyone else is entitled to theirs.  We all miss Clark, some who were closer to him in the last twenty years or so, will grieve for a long time.  I grieve just from knowing that he passed away and I will never get to see him again.  (And I don't expect a "reunion" on some other plan, as wonderful...and as nostalgic as that may be...it is out of my "belief system"...so who cares but me, huh?)

Clark was terribly over weight.  I was shocked by just how heavy he was when the "boat pictures" started to arrive.  He didn't look anything at all like I recalled (but hell after thrity years, who would recognize...overweight Wayne...on the street either?)  Personally,  I think that his weight did, in fact, kill him by placing such strain on his system, especially his heart (which was supernaturally large to begin with, if you get my drift).  Clark's fondness for living on the...drat, hate cliches..."wild side"...caused him a great deal of pain and anguish.  Who but Clark among us would expect to get into two major cycle crashes with, what?, 48 hours?   Who, but Clark, would try to write down his own history because he had some amnesia from another escapade?  So...he lived that way 

He lived that way because it gave his life special meaning,  I would guess.  And don't all of us do that?  And suffer for it?  I never heard one way or the other about the seriousness of the growth in Clark's abdomen, whether it was benign or not.  Frances can be forgiven for not having the details right?  Who knew them anyway?  

There is often a "search for meaning" when someone you love dies.  I had this recently when a brilliant and wonderful friend of mine died...oh so rapidly...from ALS.  It wasn't pretty but he had the love of his friends and family and the support of a great bunch of people from UU. His passing was tranquil, well planned, contemplative and unavoidable. His life had meaning but his death was just the turning off of a very bright light.   I miss him so much

What was the "meaning" in Clark's life?  I am sure there are many others on this List who are far better qualified than I am to comment upon this.  Hopefully, they will speak at Clark's memorial service.  And....they should speak in...uh...honest terms, not sentimental ones.  I don't recall Clark being sentimental about much of anything and personally I am suspicious of the emotion itself.  Many speak of Clark's "joy of life" and desire to pass this gift...one way or another...to his friends.  Damn, that is special!  But...I am inclined to believe...he paid a terrible price for this.  

I ask you? What would you want around now the most...the happy memories of Clark's parties....or Clark?  Wouldn't you choose Clark?  So many times when people you love pass away there is a period of Denial.  Denial is, in my opinion, the worst possible of sins when dragged on to excess (re: recent political shit), it can be deadly for social relations and people's trust and affection for one another.  You want stories of this? I got 'em.  Please don't go there!  

Don't think of Clark as simply a "happy spirit" who just happened to die. That discredits him IMO.  I am not a doctor and I am certainly not G*D, but I do believe that Clark's untimely and utterly unwanted death resulted as much from years of self-abuse (spurred on by his innate love of people and lack of temperance in how he did things) as from the wretched growth in his body.  He no longer had the strength he had when he was younger...and who does.  But friends, let us take from this things to help us in our own lives, learn from this.  Wouldn't this be a fitting tribute to someone who was so generous?  

I just can't imagine Clark became someone so imbittered with the world that he would want his friends to die.  He would want them to live.  And to do so, means...I think...that many of us on this List really need to exercise more care...exercise being the key (and hated, for me, Mr. Indolence) word here about how we live, eat, drink, fornicate, whatever.  Let us live for Clark's memory but most of all....try to stay alive.  Live as "healthy" a life as one can.  Yes, Adele Davis died but she was in her Sixties.  So did another health/jogging guru who, while thin as a rail....dropped stone cold dead....running.  (Can't recall his name.)  One might say, some are lucky and some are not.  Jack LaLane (sp?) is lucky...but he works/worked hard to stay that way.

I think Frances is angry about Clark and she has expressed her anger in her own way.  We have shared this story on more than one ocassion and I have never felt any kind of animosity toward Clark...only sadness at the on-going situation...and the risk he carried. Anger, is entirely within the usual pattern of grief sequencing.  You may not agree with what she said...many have said they were angry...I was not particularly happy with the timing...so we all make mistakes.  But don't punish or ostracize Frances for her opinions, she has every right to have one.  Being too quick to condemn...or deny...does absolutely nothing to honor Clark and it diminishes....methinks, the very "value" of the life that Clark wanted to live.

Smitty commented that the emails and planning and expressions of love that has come about because of Clark's passing was a good thing, it got people together.  Don't let expressions of rage at his going, threaten this.  Please stop bickering.

wayne johnson
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