Duels - Ghetto Style

[Wayne Johnson]

Michael.  I would love to come to a reonion, as would Honor, but alas, our
circumstances do not permit this.  All I can do is enjoy these things
vicariously.  I do miss the photos of the past couple of years.  Why were
those not posted?

Alors.

wj
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Michael Eisenstadt" <michaele@HotPOP.com>
To: <austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net>
Sent: Tuesday, May 18, 2004 11:35 AM
Subject: Re: Duels - Ghetto Style


> Pies are very ghetto.
>
> We all remember the pie-ing of Rip Off Ralph Macelroy by Bob
> Vennell.
>
> And the pie throwing machine.
>
> Jon Ford doesn't come east very often, he's never been to a
> reunion and he hasn't visited his father in many years in situ
> (my next door neighbor).
>
> So who are the contestants?
>
> Maryjane Price has poisonally invited me to her party. Waly
> the Weasel usually goes to them. I seen the W in front of me
> exiting the public library a few months ago and i noticed him
> noticing me. he did not Tary for a confrontation and failing
> any play on my last name from his lips EYE certainly wouldnt
> think to make a move. however if, at the party, i hear him do
> numbers on my last name, i should hope i respond honorably
> and kick his ass and not with pies.
>
> likewise anyone else. for some reason someone forwarded
> an email from Simmons in which he referred to me as
> Eisenswine. Simmons seems in good shape (I saw him
> recently at the Red River Motors yard party) but he did
> not approach or greet me nor I him.
>
> so i should expect to see Simmons and the Weasel at
> the Reunion but it is a large venue and im sure they will
> avoid me as i will avoid them.
>
> Wayne, you've never been to a Reunion. it's not a pie
> throwing friendly scene. lovely long lawn sloping down
> to the river where there is a tiny dock for fishing or
> going swimming from, long porch facing the river where
> the musicians set up their amplifiers and microphones.
> you should come.
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Wayne Johnson
> To: austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net
> Sent: Tuesday, May 18, 2004 6:31 AM
> Subject: Duels - Ghetto Style
>
>
> Gentlemen, gentlemen....gentlemen.
>
> Why not settle this (rather silly) thing the Olde Fashioned Way!   With a
> duel.  Considering the utter absurdity of any actual fight.
> (Paranthetically, I have met Jon, Mike, and he is on the largish size;
> however, whatever his faults may I really, really doubt that he will
> actually be breaking down any doors.  He might throw some poetry magazines
> at them.  Something similar. wj)
>
> Back to dueling.  The most time honored Austin-of-the-Early-Sixties means
> would obviously be: pies.  Creamy, fat pies with lots of meringue (and no
> metal pie tins).  He who most completely covers his opponent from say,
> twenty feet, would be declared winner and receive an appropriate
certificate
> (which I would be happy to provide) as being a Really Larry Pie-in-the-Eye
> of the Philip K. Dick rank, etc.  This approach guarantees lots of
audience
> approval, gets the old glands a-going...for a moment...and harms no one.
>
> Much beer and salty munchies could be sold on the sidelines by scantily
clad
> volunteers from the Ghetto.  (Notice: no mention of gender here.  We be
PC.)
>
> I think music should be provided.  Bagpipes?  Fiddles?  Tin Whistles?
> Gut-buckets?  The mind boggles at the premise.  Or promise.
>
> Don Taylor, if he is there, would be a great MC.  Or Clark, especially in
a
> rented Tux.  Or owned tux. Or Bo tux.  Whatever.   Bob Simmons could do
the
> play by play or pie by pie.
>
> Let us thimk outside da box, people!
>
> Rev. B.
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Jon Ford
> To: austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net
> Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 5:03 PM
> Subject: RE: in the matter of Jon Ford: the malice of someone ya never met
> not even in the 60's
>
>
> Extremely strange letter, Michael! I can see you have trouble telling a
joke
> from an actual threat or a denial of the reality of election day. Your
> portrait of yourself huddling timorously in your apartment with an iron
pipe
> in hand is frightening-- prozac might help, but probably not strong enough
> in your case.
> Jon
>
> >From: "Michael Eisenstadt" <michaele@ando.pair.com>
> >Reply-To: austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net
> >To: <austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net>
> >Subject: in the matter of Jon Ford: the malice of someone ya never met
not
> even in the 60's
> >Date: Mon, 17 May 2004 09:15:09 -0600
> >
> >I am assuming that the Reunion hasn't a firm date yet. Connie had
> >said at the Red River motors yard party that it would be around
> >Memorial day. Maryann's email to the list definitely establishes
> >that it is at her house.
> >
> >as for my bout with Waly the W that is still on. it is all a question
> >of anger management. focus anger on an opponent and get and
> >stay angry, that I believe is the approved prefight ascesis.
> >
> >and as for geriatric harmlessness, that alas is not true either;
> >just read News of the Wierd: 85 year olds picking up a length
> >of pipe and beating someone to death, happens all the time.
> >
> >at one point in the past Jon in an off list email to me signaled his
> >intention to come east and severely beat me about. now i would
> >be easy for him to find as i happen to live next door to his dad.
> >his sincerity of intention seemed to me at the time very palpable
> >so i bethought of how i might protect myself not being a gun
> >owner. we have a wicked big cutting knife in the kitchen but
> >never having wielded it in self-defense, I would have to wonder
> >if it would be the right tool: Jon's dad is an elderly gent (more
> >elderly than me i mean) around 6' 3". the REAL Jon i don't
> >doubt is much bigger.
> >
> >i then had the aha! moment. stacked in the bedroom with the
> >other camera gear was/is a 3 foot steel pipe which goes with a
> >camera copy stand. should i see him through the window
> >i would have enough time to retrieve it and position myself
> >next to the door while he was presumably breaking through
> >it. this made me feel ever so much safer at least while i
> >stayed indoors. as for venturing out for that i'd have to figure
> >out something else
> >
> >Jon who is now officially retired (we learn) has lots of time for
> >anger ascesis. sitting in the living room imagining his small
> >enemy (me) losing in a fistfight with Waly (about my size
> >and weight; W went out the door of the library in front of me
> >some months ago so i got a chance to briefly scrutinize him)
> >sends Jon to the keyboard to question whether there really
> >was an Austin election on Saturday on May 15. Perhaps i
> >was inventing its existence to avoid a painful humiliation in
> >a fist fight in a flurry of blows which he could well imagine.
> >
> >Still and all it got Jon off: like watching a touchdown on the
> >tube, eh big fella? catharsis is the school room term when
> >it's in literature, katechsis of affect for Freudians or, more
> >vulgarly, getting your nuts off.
> >
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>