Anger management

[Byron Black]

Choice, Wayne, choice. Laughed my ass off.

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

----- Original Message -----
From: "Wayne Johnson" <cadaobh@shentel.net>
To: <austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net>
Sent: Saturday, April 03, 2004 10:30 PM
Subject: Anger management


> From the front page of the Front Royal Gazeteer & News Cornicopium:
>
> Warren Country Sheriff's officers broke up a riot at the local New
Reformed
> Quaker meeting hall Wednesday evening.  The fight started after one
speaker
> rose to decry the distribution of condoms in the local grocery store (Food
> Lion, now 12 for $8.00, Extra Large, Extra Sensitive) as contributing to
the
> deliquency of her step daughter who, it seems was sitting next to her.
The
> young lady, who could not be identified because she is a minor said, "My
> name is Margaret bin Ulster-Goethe and my step lady is not human but an
> alien imposter!"  Shouting "Condoms Rule!", she proceeded to hit her step
> mother several times with her Giant Food Market Chocolate Easter Bunny
> Surprise (available for $6.78 with your Giant Discount Card).  When the
> speaker intervened she bit him on the index finger, allegedly drawing
blood.
> He responded by bitch slapping the un-named Margaret and was then kicked
in
> the shin by the un-named step mother who screamed "You faithless SOB, that
> is your own daughter!"  She was then grabbed by several near-by spectators
> who attempted to wrestle her to the ground with shouts of "Be Quiet!" and
> "Find your Inner Self!"
>
> In the ensuing melee the punch table was overturned and 30 gallons of
grape
> punch ($6.77 a gallon at Wal-Mart this week) spilled out on the floor,
> staining the new white carpet (Home Depot at a mere $4.59 per yard with
> contractor discounts).and installed that afternoon.  This was when someone
> dialed 911.  The fight then spilled out into the nearby Front Royal Town
> Centre where there the Heaven's Angels's Baptist Motorcyle Glee Club was
> about to go on stage to perform their latest hit "God Loves You, You Sorry
> Piece of Shit" (CD available at K-Mart Discount Back door, ask for Joe
Bob.)
> An anonymous Sheriff's Office spokesperson stated that the alleged
Margaret
> bin Ulster-Goethe is wanted for motor cycle helmet theft and biting the
nose
> of alleged Glee Club tenor Xavier Allenby before fleeing up Main street on
> foot.  A warrant will be issued for her arrest as soon as Justice Malfoy
> Gershenson returns from his canoe trip to Luray Shores. (This week's
special
> is two canoes for the price of one at the Front Royal Canoe Emporium on
> South Second.  Ask for Joe Bob.)
>
>
............................................................................
> ...........
>
> If anyone finds my motorcycle helmet (black with white crosses and red
> peonies) please contact me here at the FRGNC.
>
>
>