Fwd: SF GATE MORNING FIX: Bulging glutes, phallic ceramics

Wed Mar 10 09:30:29 2004

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Ghetts,
The attached site is interestingly written and informative even though it indulges in more than too much homo-sex-talk. Ah, the drive to be "different" is perhaps stronger than any other, the more verboten and "exclusive" the better. It will remain an endless and futile battle, though, to drive "acceptance" of homo eroticism down the throats of us "ordinary" people. Kudos to Blacky though, I agree with his opineing about anal sex. Years ago when an elderly patient I was attending heard a reference to it while watching mainstream television he contemplated what they were talking about for apparently the first time in his 89 years and vehemently exclaimed explosively, "That's disgusting!" My sentiments, indeed.
As for anal "sex," if one would call it that, only has the absolute effect of guaranteeing that conception will not occur. I think it should be referred to instead as "suppository sex." I believe it is fear of conception that drives male homosexuality over all other considerations--after all women too have that anal "sex" apperture. As Bill Maher pointed out on "Real Time" about same-sex marriage, it should be legalized and available only for lesbians since women are the ones who fervently embrace marriage. Men who want fee-simple sex without committment or sans quid pro quo, like Maher, are the ones who ridicule it the most enthusiastically.
Frances

SF Gate Newsletters <morningfix@sfgate.com> wrote:
To: dailylist@sfgate.com
From: SF Gate Newsletters 
Subject: SF GATE MORNING FIX: (RE-SEND) Bulging glutes, phallic ceramics
Date: Mon, 08 Mar 2004 08:25:09 -0800

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===== The Morning Fix ===== 
March 8, 2004 -- Kathy Ireland turns 40 today
By Mark Morford - morningfix@sfgate.com
"Lube up, lean into the fire, and laugh"
~~ nil desperandum ~~ 

== The Media Skew ==
Fertile weeds from the savage garden of the SF Gate newswires 
Father Dupre's Groovin' In The '70s With Timmy And Some Gin
A prosecutor said he will pursue sex-abuse charges against retired Springfield Bishop Thomas Dupre, who is accused of plying two altar boys with alcohol and molesting them while he was a parish priest in the 1970s. If a grand jury indicts him, Dupre would become the first bishop charged in the sex scandal that engulfed the Roman Catholic church two years ago, joining the happy parade of thousands of priests who've been accused of groping tens of thousands of mostly young boys during the past 50 years and adding his prestigious name to the ever-lengthening list of reasons the Catholic Church is proving itself to culturally and socially and sexually and karmically and intellectually and soulfully debilitating, because you sort of sit there and read about the tens of thousands of covered-up abuse cases and the thousands of unpunished deeply sexually repressed priests and you go, Jesus on a hot dog bun, how bad can it get, really, and how far can this go, and yet you already sort of know
 the answer, which is: much, much further than you probably think, and deeper, and more sinister, and uglier, and sadder, and sure part of you says the Church has done some beautiful and decent work and helped thousands, but at what cost, and how much individual spirit and sexual awareness and wet delicious open-thighed divinity must we slaughter at the altar of sad misogynistic homophobic sexless patriarchal self-righteous sanctimony before we just say, screw this, I need some good wine and a good lube and some Adrienne Rich poems and I am so freakin' outta here. 
Universe Casually Flicks Away Diane Richie Like She Was Sock Lint
Diane Richie, the estranged wife of singer Lionel Richie wants $300,000 a month in child and spousal support, saying she had "no limit on what I could spend" during their nearly seven years of marriage. The couple had "an extraordinary extravagant lifestyle," citing the upkeep for their $40 million, 30-room Beverly Hills mansion, which includes a $75,000 monthly mortgage and wages for a full-time staff of nine and additional people to "maintain our plants, detail our cars, care for our pool, groom our dog, maintain our aquarium and a painter for regular touch ups on the house." Diane Richie estimated that she spent $20,000 a year on plastic surgery and $50,000 a month on personal expenses, including $15,000 a month for clothing, shoes and accessories; $5,000 on jewelry; $3,000 on dermatology; $1,000 for laser hair removal and $600 on massages. Meanwhile, the universe gazed down upon Ms. Richie with this sort of bemused expression, looking at her like she was this cute little blip of
 skin and gas and nothingness, a phantasm, an infinitesimal speck of itchy belly button lint, and flicked her aside like you might flick a mosquito attempting to alight on your forearm and sink its oily proboscis into your goodly flesh, as Diane Richie screeched on, her tiny little voice fading, fading, drowned out by sunshine and laughter and dogs barking, bye bye Diane, you bring nothing of value. 
L.A. Pot Prices Spike .000001 Percent For Roughly 2.7 Minutes
Authorities seized about 10,000 pounds of marijuana estimated at $5 million from a Long Beach textile warehouse and arrested 14 people in a drug sting Thursday. "This is part of an undercover operation that led officers to this location," said Long Beach police Sgt. Paul LeBaron. City officials, meanwhile, were a mite peeved that five million bucks has been sucked from the L.A. economy just like that, but were quickly reassured by the very obvious fact that roughly seven thousand metric tons of decent pot remained available at all times to any and all Los Angelinos who wanted it, at very reasonable prices, too, and that the tiny speck of weed the cops confiscated and are now partying with has no bearing whatsoever on the overall casual drug trade, or the drug culture, or what it means to take a nice toke from an elegant one-hitter and then screw or dance or sing or laugh or just sit there and contemplate the incredible efficient elegance of the human hand, and does absolutely nothing
 to even slightly affect overall marijuana supply in L.A. or in the nation or the planet, really, except maybe causing a few people strolling down Melrose yesterday to actually have to wait more than 30 seconds to find someone to sell them a decent ounce, as the "War on Drugs" became just that much more of a cute punchline than an actual force to be taken at all seriously, as meanwhile countless thousands of thoroughly drunk morons smacked around their families and fondled their guns. Ah, priorities. 
Big Veiny Bulging Muscles Of Hey What Happened To My Penis
As if being governor doesn't keep him busy enough, Arnold Schwarzenegger is about to take on yet another new job: magazine editor. Schwarzenegger, the former action lug-nut and champion bodybuilder, has inked a deal to become executive editor of Muscle and Fitness and Flex Magazines, both of which are owned by American Media, Inc., which also publishes The National Enquirer, Star and other celebrity tabloids, and both of which feature endless photos of massive gross greased-up bulging muscle dudes who have these massive pecks and delts and quads and who can't touch their toes and who can barely bring their arms together and look like mutant grinning simian gorillas as these deranged siliconed bleach-toothed blond female models hang off their tree-trunk arms like dumb bananas and you go, oh my freaking god, who, I mean really who, is attracted to this sort of thing, and why, and what the hell are they trying to prove, and I'm sure there are some really healthy strong wonderful guys in
 there somewhere but what is the deal with the massive bulging sweaty grunting entirely homoerotic grossness of body where they can't even raise their arms halfway above their heads as their penises slowly vanish into tiny mushy bulbs of over-steroided flesh lost amidst 250 pounds of bloated meat, and they think this is... what again? Fitness? Attractive? Uh huh. Sure it is. 

---------------------------------
== Can You Answer This? ==
Sacred or profane, silly or sublime: A weekly question, aching for your reply. New every Monday 
This week's question: 
It is warm, it stirs your soul, it is pleasant to touch. What is it, and what are you going to do with it? 
All replies to morningfix@sfgate.com, with "CYAT" in the subject line. Wryest/cleverest/most touching replies posted here next Monday. Crudeness not encouraged. Suggestions for new questions welcome. Your name (but not your email address) will be posted with the reply unless you request otherwise. Brevity is the soul of wit. Sake goes well with oral sex. Thank you. 
--------------------------------------------------- 
Last week's question:
At long last, the wise master guru who sits atop the mountain has answered the one question you've always wanted clarified. What did she say? (answers below) 

   "I just dig a hole and bury it behind that tree over there."
-- Susan Coward 

   "Have you tried looking under the seat cushions?"
-- Michael McVey 

   "The Hokey Pokey is, of course, what it's all about"
-- Brett Milner (and others) 

   "You were meant to be single forever."
-- Jennifer Rutherford 

   "This is what women want. I just had to give up my five day jobs, make arrangements for the kids, cook weeks of meals ahead of time, AND create this mountain myself to make you take us seriously."
-- Paul Rapoport 

   "Lefty loosie. Righty tighty."
-- judy steffes 

   She said, "No it wasn't your fault. None of it." -- and then she said "Kidding!" [She WILL tell the barebreasted truth, the bitch!]
-- Avril Dell 

   "Chocolate"
-- Pete MacLean 

   "Resistance is futile. The only energy that exists is positive. The universe happily grants all requests, and recognizes any attention to any subject as a request, so any attempt to protect ourselves from, control, diminish, eliminate, or fight against anything simply causes more of whatever it is to come into our existence. Resistance is like walking into a room and looking for the dark switch. It's not there."
-- Scott Taylor 

   "That's for me to know and you to find out."
-- Buffy Visick 

   "All of those people who say they've found themselves are obviously full of shit. The big picture of your life is never going to make sense. Stop wasting time and energy trying to figure it out. Go out for a beer instead."
-- Sharon Lensky 

   "Nuke Gay Whales For Jesus"
-- Gerry 

   Either a) "figure it out for yourself", b) "sex", or c) "go ask a tree"
-- Michelle Simkins 

   She smiled, and gently kissed me, and finally said, "Because you WANT to."
-- Tisha Sloan 

   "Breathe"
-- Paul Gralen 

   "The burning sensation means it's working, but it's going to fall off."
-- John King 

   "Calm down and cheer up"
-- David Kohn 

   "I don't know anything that you don't know, kid"
-- J. Evonne 

   "If you're talking about the vengeful patriarchal God of the Bible, the God of Elijah and Paul, the God of floods and fire, then the answer is no, he doesn't exist, so stop acting like some angry narrowminded repressed curmudgeon is glaring over your shoulder every single second of your life to see if you are winning the Judgemental Jerk contest."
-- Jamie M 

   "You will find love when you stop looking for it" -- Jeff Hammond 

   "Size matters"
-- Cynthia Bowers 

   "There's no such thing as too many orgasms"
-- Martha Garvey 

   "So it slides down easier"
-- Steve "Lonewolf" Sussko 

   "Yes"
-- Annye Bone (and many others) 

   "42"
-- (multiple - most popular answer) 

   "Oh, it's a black horse with white stripes, and BTW -- it really wasn't you, it was him.
-- Francine 

   "Neither boxers, nor briefs"
-- Garry Creiman 

   "Anybody But Bush"
-- Lee Goodin 

   "More lube"
-- Marilee Bazzano 

   "Be the ball, Danny"
-- Bill Lawler 

   "Just a little to the left"
-- Robb M 

   "What do you think?"
-- Patrick Moast 

---------------------------------
== I Hate You I Hate You I Hate You ==
Choice reader responses to recent Notes columns, hilariously nasty 
   You poor lost man.
So hard to believe that Christ went to the cross for you. Though it's hard to swallow, I know that he did. I suppose you support the slaughter of babies in the name of Women's Rights, and were one to want the Pledge of Allegiance and Prayer out of schools, are you also against Mel Gibson's The Passion? My guesses are yes to all of the mentioned. You probably are so Anti-God that you blame him for September 11. You obviously have no bible knowledge and that is why you think that Christian "bible-thumpers" don't have an answer for what is wrong with homosexuality. It is WRONG in God's eyes! It is an abomination of God. You won't see that, so just leave God out of your columns and live your life. You my friend, will have to answer to him on Judgement day for your life and your actions if you do not repent. And it's just par for the course for you to disrespect our president, after all, he is Godly, and you do not represent or respect anything that is Godly.
-- Joni Malones 

   Sir, Your one Stupid Lefty Commie Pig. Get a life. Leave our Dear President alone, for goodness sake! You Enviro Waccos are so far out in left field you will never make it back to reality. Smoke some weed and mellow out , the world will be a better place and you may learn to love our President AND Country.
-- Don Lehman 

   1) You hate America and everything it stands for, why don't you leave?
2) You hate traditional male roles, why don't you try becoming a waitress?
3) You hate any man who acts like a man instead of a whiny crybaby, this is probably because you are a whiny crybaby. Oops sorry "sensitive ponytailed modern poetry lover".
4) You hate white people and white culture, why don't you try living in Rwanda for awhile, I am sure you would love the lack of "scrunchy pasty cellulitic butts".
5) You hate any kind of morals or standards, this is probably because you like to engage in activities that are immoral and if there were any standards at the SF Gate you would be out of a job
Have a nice day
-- James Pelzer 

   Why do you bother commenting on the movie? What do you know about faith and trying to live your life to make God happy? You liberals dont care about that, you only want to look at things politically and not morally. "Gay narriage" What a joke. Marriage is God's way to bond a man and a woman together, that's how it's been for thousands of year, you can read that in the bible. If there are items like the nails that are on sale, well then I dont agree with that. Another thing, Jesus DID die for our sins. Dont believe any "theories" that arent even in the bible. You liberals would believe anything wouldnt you? I hope George Bush gets re elected this second time so he would ban your homosexual beliefs, and put you out of business. I dont know if you get other emails like this, but one thing is for sure. You need a role model. Don't live a sad meaningless life defending imoral things. I've just turned 18 and I seem to have more of a mature sense than you, and intelligence as well.If you
 take "offense" to this, be glad to email me back. I believe in what I believe is truth. Don't you write anymore blasphemus things about our Lord savior.Bye
-- Steve O, A Conservative in the Bay Area 

   I know nothing about you but can only draw a few conclusions after reading your "Passion" rant:
1) You are militantly anti-God and even more anti-Christian.
2) You are filled with hatred for those who don't embrace and promote secular humanism.
3) You are irrationally self-centered.
4) You believe sex, especially of the homosexual variety, is the highest form of human expression.
One of the tasks of my life - as a Christian is to "love my enemies and to pray for those who would do evil to me." With the help of God's grace, I shall offer prayers for the salvation of your soul Mr. Morford.
-- George Donnelly, Cleveland 

   Amazing! That you actually get paid to spread such hatred.
Homo right? Figures.
Congrats, you're one of the most virulent, cynical, bitter, hate filled fags I've seen in ages.
Keep up the good work.
Hell awaits
-- levan troung 

   More anti-American, anti-big business sentiment designed to influence the ignorant masses which obviously constitute the Chronicle readership. Until I read this opinion piece, I had not been aware that there was someone out there telling us to eat at McDonalds every day. Then again, maybe too many of us are too stupid to distinguish between slick marketing campaigns and a common sense approach to nutrition and we need to pay more attention to great patriotic voices such as yours. People like you obviously know what's better for all of us than we do. Please do us all a favor and take your column to a periodical that is better suited to your brand of politics. There are plenty of socialist/communist publications that play to the audience that you are obviously are trying to reach. Try earning a living from one of those "big business" concerns!
-- James G. Pellettieri 

   You have a BIG mouth and undoubtedly you are a secular moron.
No wonder you live in San Francisco, otherwise, you wouldn't be able to make a living where REAL men live. Your thoughts are a disgrace. I am referring to the sick article on the Web you wrote of the jewelry related to the movie "The Passion"
-- Mario A.Villette 

   Did you get paid for that? Guess what. This Nov. we {the normal people of this great country} will relect our great president and you will have four more years of whineing and crying for your pay. { if you got paid for that one hey you could really mop up then}
You socialists crack me up!
--Charles Williams, U.S.A. 

   What a disgusting monologue describing natures imbalanced populous. Hopefully all of you and your supporters stay in San Francisco and keep away from the main stream . I am glad you think that your lifestyle is excepted so you continue to make everyone else disgusted. 
-- Sincerely Bill Glober Springville Ca. 

---------------------------------
== Suck It And See ==
Stuff I use stuff I love stuff I crave stuff you might like. Updated always 
   The always-excellent Jon Katz takes on the always-obnoxious, silly PC notion that we are merely the "guardians" of our pets, and not "owners." 
   Tiny, discreet, perfect for those long, droning days at the office. The wireless, waterproof Sterling Vibe. 
   When you just can't get enough of reading about how godawful is "Passion of the Christ": Metacritic 
   Dark gorgeous atmospheric jazz-stained chill beats from the U.K.: Nostalgia 77: Songs for My Funeral (Hard to find in the U.S.: available at Amoeba in SF) 
   Fantastic and beautiful and strange and cute and insanely clever and I have no idea what the hell it is but it certainly is worth making it to the end: http://www.freshsensation.com/samorost.swf (Note: there are still five more levels after you figure out how to get past the hookah guy) 
   Juana Molina's delicious, eclectic, dreamlike CD Segundo. Also, a review 
   Delicious rumors of a what promises to be an insanely useful and cool digital hub device to wirelessly interconnect iPods, iTunes music libraries, home stereos, television, digital cameras, et al: Coming soon from Apple... maybe. 

---------------------------------
== The San Francisco Factoid ==
Essential local trivia you'll probably forget almost immediately

In 1909, operators of the Chinese Telephone Exchange needed a number of special skills. In addition to speaking English and five dialects of Chinese, they also had to memorize clients' phone numbers -- most callers asked for their parties by name, not number, because referring to someone as a number was considered rude. 
---------------------------------
== Story Pick O' The Morning ==
Plucked semi-fresh from the wires for your edification 
Porn Ceramics And The End Of Uptight Peruvians
In which ancient erotic art once again thrwarts all whiny religious efforts to crush man's -- and woman's -- potent yummy sex
(Associated Press) 
LIMA, Peru (AP) -- Historian Maximo Terrazos descended narrow stairs into a tomb-like chamber where he says he experienced a sexual awakening of sorts nearly 40 years ago. 
Then a 20-year-old university student, he was escorted along with his classmates to a subterranean room marked "Private" in Peru's Museum of Archaeology, Anthropology and History to see "huacos eroticos" for the first time. 
Before them were explicit ceramic depictions of sexual acts crafted more than 1,500 years earlier by the Moche, a highly organized, class-based society that dominated Peru's northern coast for 800 years until about A.D. 800. 
"For me it was jolting," says Terrazos, who went on to devote a career to studying sexuality in ancient Peru. "We were the first students who had ever been allowed to see them." 
For decades, the "huacos eroticos," or erotic ceramics, were locked away from the public, accessible only to an elite group of Peruvian social scientists. Occasionally and reluctantly they were made available to select foreign researchers from the United States and Europe. 
"You couldn't talk about them because they were considered huacos pornograficos," said Terrazos. "They were known as huacos prohibidos because of the taboo imposed by the Christian religion that men have sex only for procreation and that women do not experience sexual pleasure." 
Today, exhibitions of these ceramics, running the full gamut of sexual practices, are popular tourist attractions in some of Peru's finest museums. 
The Moche ceramics have opened the door to a wide field of study of sexual values in pre-Columbian Peru. Their study also casts a historical spotlight on centuries of repression by Spanish colonial bureaucrats and Inquisition-era priests bent on extirpating demonic influence from the hearts, minds and loins of the native populace. 
In Spanish colonial Peru, huacos eroticos, like most indigenous icons, were smashed to pieces, Terrazos says. 
In the 1570s, Viceroy Francisco de Toledo and his clerical advisers were obsessed with eliminating sodomy, masturbation and a common social practice that the Quechua-speaking populace referred to in terms that translate roughly as "trial marriage." 
Toledo and the proselytizing priests were aghast to find that not only was homosexuality widely accepted in several regions of the country, but that the indigenous population also placed no particular importance on female chastity and made no prohibition against premarital sex. 
One of Peru's most famous colonial-era churchmen, Jesuit Jose de Acosta, wrote in 1590 that "virginity, which is viewed with esteem and honor by all men, is deprecated by those barbarians as something vile," according to "Family Values in Seventeenth-Century Peru," an article by Duke University anthropologist Irene Silverblatt. 
"Except for the virgins consecrated to the Sun or the Inca, all other women are considered of less value when they are virgin, and thus whenever possible they give themselves to the first man they find," de Acosta complained. 
To put matters right, Toledo ordered that evangelized natives caught cohabiting outside church-sanctioned wedlock receive 100 lashes of the whip "to persuade these Indians to remove themselves from this custom so detrimental and pernicious." 
Toledo also issued several decrees aimed at creating near total segregation of the sexes in public. Violations were punishable by 100 lashes and two years' service in pestilential state hospitals. 
Under the Inquisition, brought to Peru in 1569, homosexuals could be burned at the stake. 
Sexual mores in 21st century Peru are a far cry from what Toledo and his Jesuit advisers hoped for more than 400 years ago. Social prohibitions against premarital sex are widely preached and female virginity is exalted, but neither ideal is necessarily adhered to. 
Thousands of hourly-rate hostels operate 24 hours a day in cities to provide couples with privacy that is unavailable at home. 
In working-class households, it is common to see nudie calendars hanging on the same walls as icons of Christ and the Virgin Mary. 
The American public first became aware of huacos eroticos in 1954, when Indiana University's Dr. Alfred Kinsey -- author of the famous "Kinsey Reports" on human sexual behavior -- traveled to Lima with his research assistant, Harvard-trained anthropologist Paul Gebhard, to investigate Peru's archaeological dirty secret. 
Many non-Christian cultures fashioned sexually explicit idols to gods and goddesses of power and fertility. But the Moche artifacts, Kinsey wrote, were "the most frank and detailed document of sexual customs ever left by an ancient people." 
In a 1970 article titled "Sexual Motifs in Prehistoric Peruvian Ceramics," Gebhard wrote that even leading archaeologist and collector Rafael Larco Herrera argued -- without supporting evidence -- that depictions of homosexuality in Moche ceramics were symbolic warnings against engaging in such behavior. 
Today Larco Herrera's collection of the erotic pottery is the main attraction in a Lima museum that bears his father's name. 

---------------------------------
== And Now, Mullet Haiku ==
A weekly ode to follicular joy, because we can 
Skynyrd concert tee
I just turned 40 today
Pass me the bong, mom 
(Haiku courtesy sundry demented Fix readers. What's a mullet? What's haiku?) 

---------------------------------
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== Write To The Fix ==
Thump thump thump goes your heart as your flesh approaches something worthy of its most tingling attentions and ping zow kerrang goes your id as your spirit spies the shiny set of holy sacred anal beads and whomp whomp whomp goes the blood in your soul as you wonder aloud at the nature of time and death and the thing you right now wish was on the tip of your lover's tongue so you could open wide and receive and let it slide and then say oh my freaking god that was so right and then write all about it to the Fix's lone creator/writer, Mark Morford, at morningfix@sfgate.com. 
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Is this the way you thought it would all turn out because if it's not and if you're right now saying holy Jesus on a well-greased pogo stick no fucking way in hell is this the way I thought things would go I mean are you freakin' kidding me, well, guess what bucko, sweetheart, honeybunches, love burp, I'm here to tell you that's pretty much true of just about exactly everyone else on the goddamn planet and rather than let it be something you gripe about and suffer indelible anxiety over or even just sit there and go whoa what the hell happened to my life and wow where did the time go, you you can also of course simply choose to swallow instead of merely lightly suck at the chaotic juicy randomness that actually isn't randomness at all and that in and of itself will go a long way toward understanding that every decision and every food choice and every dream sequence and every committed moaning orgasm all point and shape and imprint and give vibrant life to what you are and what you
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== Disclaimer ==
Here let me just uncinch that a little there you go that's much better. If you're looking at the exact same thing I'm looking at at the exact same moment does that make that thing that much more alive and palpable? Blow gently to cool it down but not so much that you lose the flavor. If this is not what you expected, please alter your expectations. No such thing as random coincidence. No such thing as small change. No such thing as too much lubricant. 
---------------------------------
All contents, except the swearing and the random blasphemy, (tm) (c) 2004 SF Gate 
There's many ways to victimize people. The most insidious is to convince them that they're victims.
--Tom Robbins 

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<DIV>Ghetts,</DIV>
<DIV>The attached&nbsp;site is interestingly written and informative&nbsp;even though it&nbsp;indulges in more than&nbsp;too much&nbsp;homo-sex-talk. Ah, the drive to be "different" is perhaps stronger than any other, the more verboten and "exclusive"&nbsp;the better. It&nbsp;will&nbsp;remain an endless and futile&nbsp;battle, though, to drive "acceptance" of homo eroticism down the throats of us "ordinary" people. Kudos to Blacky though, I agree&nbsp;with his&nbsp;opineing&nbsp;about&nbsp;anal sex. Years ago when&nbsp;an elderly patient I was attending heard a reference to it&nbsp;while watching&nbsp;mainstream&nbsp;television he contemplated what they were talking about for apparently the first time in his 89 years and&nbsp;vehemently exclaimed explosively, "That's disgusting!" My sentiments, indeed.</DIV>
<DIV>As for anal "sex," if&nbsp;one would&nbsp;call it that, only has the absolute effect of guaranteeing that conception will not&nbsp;occur. I think&nbsp;it should be referred to instead as&nbsp;"suppository sex." I&nbsp;believe it is fear of conception that drives male&nbsp;homosexuality over all other considerations--after all women too have that anal&nbsp;"sex" apperture.&nbsp;As Bill Maher pointed out on "Real Time" about same-sex marriage, it&nbsp;should be&nbsp;legalized and available&nbsp;only for lesbians since women are the ones who fervently embrace&nbsp;marriage. Men who want fee-simple sex without committment or sans quid pro quo, like Maher,&nbsp;are the ones who ridicule it the most enthusiastically.</DIV>
<DIV>Frances SF Gate Newsletters &lt;morningfix@sfgate.com&gt; wrote:</DIV>
<DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE class=replbq style="PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; BORDER-LEFT: #1010ff 2px solid">To: dailylist@sfgate.com From: SF Gate Newsletters <MORNINGFIX@SFGATE.COM> Subject: SF GATE MORNING FIX: (RE-SEND) Bulging glutes, phallic ceramics Date: Mon, 08 Mar 2004 08:25:09 -0800 
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<DIV align=center>===== The Morning Fix ===== March 8, 2004 -- Kathy Ireland turns 40 today By <A href="http://sfgate.com/columnists/morford/a/">Mark Morford</A> - <A href="mailto:morningfix@sfgate.com">morningfix@sfgate.com</A> "Lube up, lean into the fire, and laugh" ~~ nil desperandum ~~ </DIV>
== The Media Skew == Fertile weeds from the savage garden of the <A href="http://sfgate.com/">SF Gate</A> newswires 

<BLOCKQUOTE><A href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/a/2004/03/04/national1419EST0648.DTL">Father Dupre's Groovin' In The '70s With Timmy And Some Gin</A> A prosecutor said he will pursue sex-abuse charges against retired Springfield Bishop Thomas Dupre, who is accused of plying two altar boys with alcohol and molesting them while he was a parish priest in the 1970s. If a grand jury indicts him, Dupre would become the first bishop charged in the sex scandal that engulfed the Roman Catholic church two years ago, joining the happy parade of thousands of priests who've been accused of groping tens of thousands of mostly young boys during the past 50 years and adding his prestigious name to the ever-lengthening list of reasons the Catholic Church is proving itself to culturally and socially and sexually and karmically and intellectually and soulfully debilitating, because you sort of sit there and read about the tens of thousands of covered-up abuse cases and the
 thousands of unpunished deeply sexually repressed priests and you go, Jesus on a hot dog bun, how bad can it get, really, and how far can this go, and yet you already sort of know the answer, which is: much, much further than you probably think, and deeper, and more sinister, and uglier, and sadder, and sure part of you says the Church has done some beautiful and decent work and helped thousands, but at what cost, and how much individual spirit and sexual awareness and wet delicious open-thighed divinity must we slaughter at the altar of sad misogynistic homophobic sexless patriarchal self-righteous sanctimony before we just say, screw this, I need some good wine and a good lube and some Adrienne Rich poems and I am so freakin' outta here. 
<A href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/a/2004/03/05/national0851EST0511.DTL">Universe Casually Flicks Away Diane Richie Like She Was Sock Lint</A> Diane Richie, the estranged wife of singer Lionel Richie wants $300,000 a month in child and spousal support, saying she had "no limit on what I could spend" during their nearly seven years of marriage. The couple had "an extraordinary extravagant lifestyle," citing the upkeep for their $40 million, 30-room Beverly Hills mansion, which includes a $75,000 monthly mortgage and wages for a full-time staff of nine and additional people to "maintain our plants, detail our cars, care for our pool, groom our dog, maintain our aquarium and a painter for regular touch ups on the house." Diane Richie estimated that she spent $20,000 a year on plastic surgery and $50,000 a month on personal expenses, including $15,000 a month for clothing, shoes and accessories; $5,000 on jewelry; $3,000 on dermatology; $1,000 for laser
 hair removal and $600 on massages. Meanwhile, the universe gazed down upon Ms. Richie with this sort of bemused expression, looking at her like she was this cute little blip of skin and gas and nothingness, a phantasm, an infinitesimal speck of itchy belly button lint, and flicked her aside like you might flick a mosquito attempting to alight on your forearm and sink its oily proboscis into your goodly flesh, as Diane Richie screeched on, her tiny little voice fading, fading, drowned out by sunshine and laughter and dogs barking, bye bye Diane, you bring nothing of value. 
<A href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/a/2004/03/05/state0343EST0023.DTL">L.A. Pot Prices Spike .000001 Percent For Roughly 2.7 Minutes</A> Authorities seized about 10,000 pounds of marijuana estimated at $5 million from a Long Beach textile warehouse and arrested 14 people in a drug sting Thursday. "This is part of an undercover operation that led officers to this location," said Long Beach police Sgt. Paul LeBaron. City officials, meanwhile, were a mite peeved that five million bucks has been sucked from the L.A. economy just like that, but were quickly reassured by the very obvious fact that roughly seven thousand metric tons of decent pot remained available at all times to any and all Los Angelinos who wanted it, at very reasonable prices, too, and that the tiny speck of weed the cops confiscated and are now partying with has no bearing whatsoever on the overall casual drug trade, or the drug culture, or what it means to take a nice toke from an
 elegant one-hitter and then screw or dance or sing or laugh or just sit there and contemplate the incredible efficient elegance of the human hand, and does absolutely nothing to even slightly affect overall marijuana supply in L.A. or in the nation or the planet, really, except maybe causing a few people strolling down Melrose yesterday to actually have to wait more than 30 seconds to find someone to sell them a decent ounce, as the "War on Drugs" became just that much more of a cute punchline than an actual force to be taken at all seriously, as meanwhile countless thousands of thoroughly drunk morons smacked around their families and fondled their guns. Ah, priorities. 
<A href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/a/2004/03/05/state1358EST0077.DTL">Big Veiny Bulging Muscles Of Hey What Happened To My Penis</A> As if being governor doesn't keep him busy enough, Arnold Schwarzenegger is about to take on yet another new job: magazine editor. Schwarzenegger, the former action lug-nut and champion bodybuilder, has inked a deal to become executive editor of Muscle and Fitness and Flex Magazines, both of which are owned by American Media, Inc., which also publishes The National Enquirer, Star and other celebrity tabloids, and both of which feature endless photos of massive gross greased-up bulging muscle dudes who have these massive pecks and delts and quads and who can't touch their toes and who can barely bring their arms together and look like mutant grinning simian gorillas as these deranged siliconed bleach-toothed blond female models hang off their tree-trunk arms like dumb bananas and you go, oh my freaking god, who, I mean
 really who, is attracted to this sort of thing, and why, and what the hell are they trying to prove, and I'm sure there are some really healthy strong wonderful guys in there somewhere but what is the deal with the massive bulging sweaty grunting entirely homoerotic grossness of body where they can't even raise their arms halfway above their heads as their penises slowly vanish into tiny mushy bulbs of over-steroided flesh lost amidst 250 pounds of bloated meat, and they think this is... what again? Fitness? Attractive? Uh huh. Sure it is. 
</BLOCKQUOTE>

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== Can You Answer This? == Sacred or profane, silly or sublime: A weekly question, aching for your reply. New every Monday 
<BLOCKQUOTE>
This week's question: It is warm, it stirs your soul, it is pleasant to touch. What is it, and what are you going to do with it? 
All replies to <A href="mailto:morningfix@sfgate.com">morningfix@sfgate.com</A>, with "CYAT" in the subject line. Wryest/cleverest/most touching replies posted here next Monday. Crudeness not encouraged. Suggestions for new questions welcome. Your name (but not your email address) will be posted with the reply unless you request otherwise. Brevity is the soul of wit. Sake goes well with oral sex. Thank you. 
--------------------------------------------------- 
Last week's question: At long last, the wise master guru who sits atop the mountain has answered the one question you've always wanted clarified. What did she say? (answers below) 

<UL>
<LI>"I just dig a hole and bury it behind that tree over there." -- Susan Coward 

<LI>"Have you tried looking under the seat cushions?" -- Michael McVey 

<LI>"The Hokey Pokey is, of course, what it's all about" -- Brett Milner (and others) 

<LI>"You were meant to be single forever." -- Jennifer Rutherford 

<LI>"This is what women want. I just had to give up my five day jobs, make arrangements for the kids, cook weeks of meals ahead of time, AND create this mountain myself to make you take us seriously." -- Paul Rapoport 

<LI>"Lefty loosie. Righty tighty." -- judy steffes 

<LI>She said, "No it wasn't your fault. None of it." -- and then she said "Kidding!" [She WILL tell the barebreasted truth, the bitch!] -- Avril Dell 

<LI>"Chocolate" -- Pete MacLean 

<LI>"Resistance is futile. The only energy that exists is positive. The universe happily grants all requests, and recognizes any attention to any subject as a request, so any attempt to protect ourselves from, control, diminish, eliminate, or fight against anything simply causes more of whatever it is to come into our existence. Resistance is like walking into a room and looking for the dark switch. It's not there." -- Scott Taylor 

<LI>"That's for me to know and you to find out." -- Buffy Visick 

<LI>"All of those people who say they've found themselves are obviously full of shit. The big picture of your life is never going to make sense. Stop wasting time and energy trying to figure it out. Go out for a beer instead." -- Sharon Lensky 

<LI>"Nuke Gay Whales For Jesus" -- Gerry 

<LI>Either a) "figure it out for yourself", b) "sex", or c) "go ask a tree" -- Michelle Simkins 

<LI>She smiled, and gently kissed me, and finally said, "Because you WANT to." -- Tisha Sloan 

<LI>"Breathe" -- Paul Gralen 

<LI>"The burning sensation means it's working, but it's going to fall off." -- John King 

<LI>"Calm down and cheer up" -- David Kohn 

<LI>"I don't know anything that you don't know, kid" -- J. Evonne 

<LI>"If you're talking about the vengeful patriarchal God of the Bible, the God of Elijah and Paul, the God of floods and fire, then the answer is no, he doesn't exist, so stop acting like some angry narrowminded repressed curmudgeon is glaring over your shoulder every single second of your life to see if you are winning the Judgemental Jerk contest." -- Jamie M 

<LI>"You will find love when you stop looking for it" -- Jeff Hammond 

<LI>"Size matters" -- Cynthia Bowers 

<LI>"There's no such thing as too many orgasms" -- Martha Garvey 

<LI>"So it slides down easier" -- Steve "Lonewolf" Sussko 

<LI>"Yes" -- Annye Bone (and many others) 

<LI>"42" -- (multiple - most popular answer) 

<LI>"Oh, it's a black horse with white stripes, and BTW -- it really wasn't you, it was him. -- Francine 

<LI>"Neither boxers, nor briefs" -- Garry Creiman 

<LI>"Anybody But Bush" -- Lee Goodin 

<LI>"More lube" -- Marilee Bazzano 

<LI>"Be the ball, Danny" -- Bill Lawler 

<LI>"Just a little to the left" -- Robb M 

<LI>"What do you think?" -- Patrick Moast </LI></UL></BLOCKQUOTE>

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== I Hate You I Hate You I Hate You == Choice reader responses to recent Notes columns, hilariously nasty 
<BLOCKQUOTE>
<UL>
<LI>You poor lost man. So hard to believe that Christ went to the cross for you. Though it's hard to swallow, I know that he did. I suppose you support the slaughter of babies in the name of Women's Rights, and were one to want the Pledge of Allegiance and Prayer out of schools, are you also against Mel Gibson's The Passion? My guesses are yes to all of the mentioned. You probably are so Anti-God that you blame him for September 11. You obviously have no bible knowledge and that is why you think that Christian "bible-thumpers" don't have an answer for what is wrong with homosexuality. It is WRONG in God's eyes! It is an abomination of God. You won't see that, so just leave God out of your columns and live your life. You my friend, will have to answer to him on Judgement day for your life and your actions if you do not repent. And it's just par for the course for you to disrespect our president, after all, he is Godly, and you do not represent or respect anything that is
 Godly. -- Joni Malones 

<LI>Sir, Your one Stupid Lefty Commie Pig. Get a life. Leave our Dear President alone, for goodness sake! You Enviro Waccos are so far out in left field you will never make it back to reality. Smoke some weed and mellow out , the world will be a better place and you may learn to love our President AND Country. -- Don Lehman 

<LI>1) You hate America and everything it stands for, why don't you leave? 2) You hate traditional male roles, why don't you try becoming a waitress? 3) You hate any man who acts like a man instead of a whiny crybaby, this is probably because you are a whiny crybaby. Oops sorry "sensitive ponytailed modern poetry lover". 4) You hate white people and white culture, why don't you try living in Rwanda for awhile, I am sure you would love the lack of "scrunchy pasty cellulitic butts". 5) You hate any kind of morals or standards, this is probably because you like to engage in activities that are immoral and if there were any standards at the SF Gate you would be out of a job Have a nice day -- James Pelzer 

<LI>Why do you bother commenting on the movie? What do you know about faith and trying to live your life to make God happy? You liberals dont care about that, you only want to look at things politically and not morally. "Gay narriage" What a joke. Marriage is God's way to bond a man and a woman together, that's how it's been for thousands of year, you can read that in the bible. If there are items like the nails that are on sale, well then I dont agree with that. Another thing, Jesus DID die for our sins. Dont believe any "theories" that arent even in the bible. You liberals would believe anything wouldnt you? I hope George Bush gets re elected this second time so he would ban your homosexual beliefs, and put you out of business. I dont know if you get other emails like this, but one thing is for sure. You need a role model. Don't live a sad meaningless life defending imoral things. I've just turned 18 and I seem to have more of a mature sense than you, and intelligence as well.If
 you take "offense" to this, be glad to email me back. I believe in what I believe is truth. Don't you write anymore blasphemus things about our Lord savior.Bye -- Steve O, A Conservative in the Bay Area 

<LI>I know nothing about you but can only draw a few conclusions after reading your "Passion" rant: 1) You are militantly anti-God and even more anti-Christian. 2) You are filled with hatred for those who don't embrace and promote secular humanism. 3) You are irrationally self-centered. 4) You believe sex, especially of the homosexual variety, is the highest form of human expression. One of the tasks of my life - as a Christian is to "love my enemies and to pray for those who would do evil to me." With the help of God's grace, I shall offer prayers for the salvation of your soul Mr. Morford. -- George Donnelly, Cleveland 

<LI>Amazing! That you actually get paid to spread such hatred. Homo right? Figures. Congrats, you're one of the most virulent, cynical, bitter, hate filled fags I've seen in ages. Keep up the good work. Hell awaits -- levan troung 

<LI>More anti-American, anti-big business sentiment designed to influence the ignorant masses which obviously constitute the Chronicle readership. Until I read this opinion piece, I had not been aware that there was someone out there telling us to eat at McDonalds every day. Then again, maybe too many of us are too stupid to distinguish between slick marketing campaigns and a common sense approach to nutrition and we need to pay more attention to great patriotic voices such as yours. People like you obviously know what's better for all of us than we do. Please do us all a favor and take your column to a periodical that is better suited to your brand of politics. There are plenty of socialist/communist publications that play to the audience that you are obviously are trying to reach. Try earning a living from one of those "big business" concerns! -- James G. Pellettieri 

<LI>You have a BIG mouth and undoubtedly you are a secular moron. No wonder you live in San Francisco, otherwise, you wouldn't be able to make a living where REAL men live. Your thoughts are a disgrace. I am referring to the sick article on the Web you wrote of the jewelry related to the movie "The Passion" -- Mario A.Villette 

<LI>Did you get paid for that? Guess what. This Nov. we {the normal people of this great country} will relect our great president and you will have four more years of whineing and crying for your pay. { if you got paid for that one hey you could really mop up then} You socialists crack me up! --Charles Williams, U.S.A. 

<LI>What a disgusting monologue describing natures imbalanced populous. Hopefully all of you and your supporters stay in San Francisco and keep away from the main stream . I am glad you think that your lifestyle is excepted so you continue to make everyone else disgusted. -- Sincerely Bill Glober Springville Ca. </LI></UL></BLOCKQUOTE>

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== Suck It And See == Stuff I use stuff I love stuff I crave stuff you might like. Updated always 
<BLOCKQUOTE>
<UL>
<LI>The always-excellent Jon Katz takes on the always-obnoxious, silly PC notion that we are merely the <A href="http://slate.msn.com/id/2096577/">"guardians" of our pets</A>, and not "owners." 
<LI>Tiny, discreet, perfect for those long, droning days at the office. The wireless, waterproof <A href="http://www.babeland.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&amp;Product_Code=187910000">Sterling Vibe</A>. 
<LI>When you just can't get enough of reading about how godawful is "Passion of the Christ": <A href="http://www.metacritic.com/">Metacritic</A> 
<LI>Dark gorgeous atmospheric jazz-stained chill beats from the U.K.: <A href="http://www.tru-thoughts.co.uk/?page=records/release.html&amp;id=90">Nostalgia 77: Songs for My Funeral</A> (Hard to find in the U.S.: available at <A href="http://www.amoebamusic.com/">Amoeba</A> in SF) 
<LI>Fantastic and beautiful and strange and cute and insanely clever and I have no idea what the hell it is but it certainly is worth making it to the end: <A href="http://www.freshsensation.com/samorost.swf">http://www.freshsensation.com/samorost.swf</A> (Note: there are still five more levels after you figure out how to get past the hookah guy) 
<LI>Juana Molina's delicious, eclectic, dreamlike CD <A href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00009L52J/">Segundo</A>. Also, a <A href="http://www.philly.com/mld/inquirer/entertainment/6391191.htm">review</A> 
<LI>Delicious rumors of a what promises to be an insanely useful and cool digital hub device to wirelessly interconnect iPods, iTunes music libraries, home stereos, television, digital cameras, et al: <A href="http://www.appleinsider.com/article.php?id=375">Coming soon from Apple</A>... maybe. </LI></UL></BLOCKQUOTE>
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== The San Francisco Factoid == Essential local trivia you'll probably forget almost immediately


<BLOCKQUOTE>In 1909, operators of the Chinese Telephone Exchange needed a number of special skills. In addition to speaking English and five dialects of Chinese, they also had to memorize clients' phone numbers -- most callers asked for their parties by name, not number, because referring to someone as a number was considered rude. </BLOCKQUOTE>
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== Story Pick O' The Morning == Plucked semi-fresh from the wires for your edification 
<BLOCKQUOTE>
<A href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/a/2004/02/29/international1216EST0486.DTL">Porn Ceramics And The End Of Uptight Peruvians</A> In which ancient erotic art once again thrwarts all whiny religious efforts to crush man's -- and woman's -- potent yummy sex (Associated Press) 
LIMA, Peru (AP) -- Historian Maximo Terrazos descended narrow stairs into a tomb-like chamber where he says he experienced a sexual awakening of sorts nearly 40 years ago. 
Then a 20-year-old university student, he was escorted along with his classmates to a subterranean room marked "Private" in Peru's Museum of Archaeology, Anthropology and History to see "huacos eroticos" for the first time. 
Before them were explicit ceramic depictions of sexual acts crafted more than 1,500 years earlier by the Moche, a highly organized, class-based society that dominated Peru's northern coast for 800 years until about A.D. 800. 
"For me it was jolting," says Terrazos, who went on to devote a career to studying sexuality in ancient Peru. "We were the first students who had ever been allowed to see them." 
For decades, the "huacos eroticos," or erotic ceramics, were locked away from the public, accessible only to an elite group of Peruvian social scientists. Occasionally and reluctantly they were made available to select foreign researchers from the United States and Europe. 
"You couldn't talk about them because they were considered huacos pornograficos," said Terrazos. "They were known as huacos prohibidos because of the taboo imposed by the Christian religion that men have sex only for procreation and that women do not experience sexual pleasure." 
Today, exhibitions of these ceramics, running the full gamut of sexual practices, are popular tourist attractions in some of Peru's finest museums. 
The Moche ceramics have opened the door to a wide field of study of sexual values in pre-Columbian Peru. Their study also casts a historical spotlight on centuries of repression by Spanish colonial bureaucrats and Inquisition-era priests bent on extirpating demonic influence from the hearts, minds and loins of the native populace. 
In Spanish colonial Peru, huacos eroticos, like most indigenous icons, were smashed to pieces, Terrazos says. 
In the 1570s, Viceroy Francisco de Toledo and his clerical advisers were obsessed with eliminating sodomy, masturbation and a common social practice that the Quechua-speaking populace referred to in terms that translate roughly as "trial marriage." 
Toledo and the proselytizing priests were aghast to find that not only was homosexuality widely accepted in several regions of the country, but that the indigenous population also placed no particular importance on female chastity and made no prohibition against premarital sex. 
One of Peru's most famous colonial-era churchmen, Jesuit Jose de Acosta, wrote in 1590 that "virginity, which is viewed with esteem and honor by all men, is deprecated by those barbarians as something vile," according to "Family Values in Seventeenth-Century Peru," an article by Duke University anthropologist Irene Silverblatt. 
"Except for the virgins consecrated to the Sun or the Inca, all other women are considered of less value when they are virgin, and thus whenever possible they give themselves to the first man they find," de Acosta complained. 
To put matters right, Toledo ordered that evangelized natives caught cohabiting outside church-sanctioned wedlock receive 100 lashes of the whip "to persuade these Indians to remove themselves from this custom so detrimental and pernicious." 
Toledo also issued several decrees aimed at creating near total segregation of the sexes in public. Violations were punishable by 100 lashes and two years' service in pestilential state hospitals. 
Under the Inquisition, brought to Peru in 1569, homosexuals could be burned at the stake. 
Sexual mores in 21st century Peru are a far cry from what Toledo and his Jesuit advisers hoped for more than 400 years ago. Social prohibitions against premarital sex are widely preached and female virginity is exalted, but neither ideal is necessarily adhered to. 
Thousands of hourly-rate hostels operate 24 hours a day in cities to provide couples with privacy that is unavailable at home. 
In working-class households, it is common to see nudie calendars hanging on the same walls as icons of Christ and the Virgin Mary. 
The American public first became aware of huacos eroticos in 1954, when Indiana University's Dr. Alfred Kinsey -- author of the famous "Kinsey Reports" on human sexual behavior -- traveled to Lima with his research assistant, Harvard-trained anthropologist Paul Gebhard, to investigate Peru's archaeological dirty secret. 
Many non-Christian cultures fashioned sexually explicit idols to gods and goddesses of power and fertility. But the Moche artifacts, Kinsey wrote, were "the most frank and detailed document of sexual customs ever left by an ancient people." 
In a 1970 article titled "Sexual Motifs in Prehistoric Peruvian Ceramics," Gebhard wrote that even leading archaeologist and collector Rafael Larco Herrera argued -- without supporting evidence -- that depictions of homosexuality in Moche ceramics were symbolic warnings against engaging in such behavior. 
Today Larco Herrera's collection of the erotic pottery is the main attraction in a Lima museum that bears his father's name. 
</BLOCKQUOTE>

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== And Now, Mullet Haiku == A weekly ode to follicular joy, because we can 

<BLOCKQUOTE>Skynyrd concert tee I just turned 40 today Pass me the bong, mom 
(Haiku courtesy sundry demented Fix readers. What's a <A href="http://mulletsgalore.com/">mullet</A>? What's <A href="http://www.lsi.usp.br/usp/rod/poet/haiku.html">haiku</A>?) </BLOCKQUOTE>

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== Oh My God Oh My God Oh My God == 
<BLOCKQUOTE><A href="http://members.truevine.net/theingrams/">Training Our Daughters to be Keepers at Home</A> </BLOCKQUOTE>

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== Write To The Fix == 
<BLOCKQUOTE>Thump thump thump goes your heart as your flesh approaches something worthy of its most tingling attentions and ping zow kerrang goes your id as your spirit spies the shiny set of holy sacred anal beads and whomp whomp whomp goes the blood in your soul as you wonder aloud at the nature of time and death and the thing you right now wish was on the tip of your lover's tongue so you could open wide and receive and let it slide and then say oh my freaking god that was so right and then write all about it to the Fix's lone creator/writer, Mark Morford, at <A href="mailto:morningfix@sfgate.com">morningfix@sfgate.com</A>. 
Technical issues, delivery perils, etc: <A href="mailto:support@sfgate.com">support@sfgate.com</A> </BLOCKQUOTE>
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== To Subscribe/Unsubscribe == 
<BLOCKQUOTE>Is this the way you thought it would all turn out because if it's not and if you're right now saying holy Jesus on a well-greased pogo stick no fucking way in hell is this the way I thought things would go I mean are you freakin' kidding me, well, guess what bucko, sweetheart, honeybunches, love burp, I'm here to tell you that's pretty much true of just about exactly everyone else on the goddamn planet and rather than let it be something you gripe about and suffer indelible anxiety over or even just sit there and go whoa what the hell happened to my life and wow where did the time go, you you can also of course simply choose to swallow instead of merely lightly suck at the chaotic juicy randomness that actually isn't randomness at all and that in and of itself will go a long way toward understanding that every decision and every food choice and every dream sequence and every committed moaning orgasm all point and shape and imprint and give vibrant life to what you are and
 what you will be so you'd better feel no I mean really fucking feel the hot breath of the divine on your neck because it's right there no I mean right there, inches from your heart and all you have to do is lean in and unzip and pucker up and <A href="http://sfgate.com/newsletters/">http://sfgate.com/newsletters/</A>? 
Or simply hie thee to SF Gate's <A href="http://sfgate.com/newsletters/">newsletters page</A>, honeychile, and follow the easy instructions. </BLOCKQUOTE>
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== Disclaimer == 
<BLOCKQUOTE>Here let me just uncinch that a little there you go that's much better. If you're looking at the exact same thing I'm looking at at the exact same moment does that make that thing that much more alive and palpable? Blow gently to cool it down but not so much that you lose the flavor. If this is not what you expected, please alter your expectations. No such thing as random coincidence. No such thing as small change. No such thing as too much lubricant. </BLOCKQUOTE>
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<DIV align=center>
<BLOCKQUOTE><SMALL>All contents, except the swearing and the random blasphemy, (tm) (c) 2004 <A href="http://sfgate.com/chronicle/info/copyright/">SF Gate</A></SMALL> 
<P>There's many ways to victimize people. The most insidious is to convince them that they're victims.<BR>--Tom Robbins </P></BLOCKQUOTE></DIV></FONT></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></BLOCKQUOTE></DIV><p><hr SIZE=1>
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