forwarded from Byron Marshall the sage of Pinesville, LA re: the Arab-Israeli dispute

[Michael Eisenstadt]

Re: the Arab-Israeli dispute, the "gift for disaster 
that just keeps on giving":


I. J says:

I've always said that world war three would be started
by a border dispute between two small countries,
paraguay and bolivia, or some such.

[geography caveat: i have no recollection if p & b
share a common border.]



II. Reply:

I think it would be especially nice if they *didn't*
share a common border and had a border dispute.


III. J:

thats one of the funniest notions ive ever heard. 
worthy of the mouse that roared.



IV: "Borders"
(New Line Cinema)
pitch session:

Imagine two small countries let us call them Aswan and
Bullchip, of mountainous terrain, they're sure the
border runs "somewhere" through that 100 mile area,
but no one has ever charted it, and they don't want to
commit themselves since there might be a shrimp
restaurant or something up there and they might define
a border which gives it to the other guy. 

So Aswan and Bullchip each keep mum on where the
border is, but make threatening gestures just in case.

Tempers flare, several dozen Aswanians of Bullchip
heritage are massacred, there's a retaliatory massacre
of several hundred Bullchipians of Aswanian heritage,
and with the toss of a 5 megaton "battle-friendly"
nuclear weapon ... we have world war iii.

Into this imagine a loveable but goofy trio --  one 
misfit, one ne'er-do-well and one grade A certifiable
lunatic ... let's call them Wolfowitz, Rummy and
Perle. After being charged with inanity and almost
strung up by a lynch mob (this after it was revealed
they personally threw away an intelligence report
saying, "we have intercepted seven guys from
saudi-arabia who say they are going to hijack
airliners and fly them into the world trade center
tomorrow; should we (a) throw them in jail (b) put the
air defense on alert (c) hearing nothing from the
President, let them go and give them a Happy Trails
basket of fruit and pig chitlins; dated:
nine-ten-oh-one." 

Having escaped jail and the lynch mob, the picaresque
trio, beating each other about the head doing lame
three stooge routines, are now wandering around the
mountainous terrain of two pipsqueak countries, still
pursuing their dream of world empire. 

"It's never say Die" for this intrepid trio (Wolfowitz
played by Steve Martin), except, of course, for the
odd dead 2,000 civilians and 600 dead American
soldiers here or there. 

Following along behind them on a donkey is wimpy
sidekick Willy Kristol, played by humorous actor Billy
Crystal. "Hey fellas wait for me!" 

Also accompanying them is their sexy sidekick, Condy
"hey fellows what do you want for breakfast, hot
buttered buns?"

(Raquel Welch joke from the original *Bedazzled.*)

Need I add they have brought with them not one but two
five megaton "battle-sized" nuclear weapons?

The fun begins! (wink, wink, guffaw!)

Log line: "There IS a place in the world for a baby
nuclear weapon!"

====================================================

There might be another interpretation of fighting a
border war. I know, the border in dispute is between
two other countries. Hey, that's sort of like Gulf War
I.

=====================================================