Drop the Big One?

[Stephen Porterfield]

Regular readers of this column will recall that in late 2000 I
predicted that a George as president would make Richard Nixon seem as
benevolent as Walt Disney. During the quibbling over UN inspections I
predicted that the Leader would invade Iraq with any pretext or with
no pretext regardless of what weapons were found or not found. For my
next thrust at prescience I submit the following.

The Emperor has made the classic military blunder of moving his forward
troops too far too fast, leaving his supply lines open to flanking attacks by the Enemy forces. Faced with an interminable impasse, he will now pull
back the Imperial legions surrounding Baghdad and send a B52
to drop a fairly large nuclear device on the city. Before you hit the
delete key, stop and think of the inescapable logic this course presents
to the ferret-like military mind: (1) the rest of the world hates us
anyway, and what could anyone do in retaliation? The rest of the
planet would learn that we would instantly obliterate anyone who tried
to mess with the Empire. (2) Think that our 'citizenry' would revolt? The new Federal Police would easily enforce our last remaining civil right,
the right to just keep silent. (3) It sure would make those Euro trash
weenies shut up too, or here comes another one in the middle of Paris.

Having taken this step, the Leader will address his people on
FoxAmerica and solemnly tell them this "tragic but necessary" action
was "reluctantly taken to preserve American lives", i.e. the same
"reason" that Harry Truman used to "explain" Hiroshima. Hope I'm
wrong? Me too. Duck tape and cover.

Praise George,

The TeleProphet.


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