How American Airlines sees the USA

[Wayne Johnson]

In a statement, American Airlines denied the pilot engaged in any racial or
ethnic
                 profiling. The statement said the airline would "not allow
any armed individual
                 onboard, regardless of who he or she is" if that person was
angry or acting in a
                 way that "could jeopardize the safety of the flight."

The airlines, fighting to regain its credibility with the flying public took
unusual steps today to ensure that this type of incident will not be
repeated.  Starting at midnight tonight, no male passengers wearing shoes
will be allowed on any flight to Texas unless they remove their shoes and
socks or they are accompanied by a member of the Southern Evangelical
Ministry for People Who Look Funny.  No one will be allowed into the baggage
compartment in a body bag without prior x-rays and a certificate from Martha
Stewart.  A spokesperson, who spoke on conditions of unanimity, said the
airline regretted recent episodes with lapsed shoe security and would give
everyone with a birthmark shaped like George Bush 1000 extra air miles or a
one night stay at the Akron, Ohio Hyatt Regency, whichever comes first.

Meanwhile..."fly Jefferson Airplane, it will get you there on time."





A public service announcement from Virginia Knows Best.