That was the xmas that was

[telebob x]

DECEMBER 25, 2001

India recalled its ambassador to Pakistan and threatened to go to war if 
Pakistan did not stop sponsoring terrorist groups such as Jaish-e-Muhammad, 
which attacked India's parliament building last week. Pakistan denied 
involvement in the attack, but a captured member of the group admitted that 
the Pakistani Army donated the weapons and that Pakistan's Inter-Services 
Intelligence agency provided logistical support. Hamid Karzai, a Pashtun 
militia chief, was sworn in as the interim leader of Afghanistan. "Let us be 
good to each other," he said. "And be compassionate and share our grief. Let 
us forget the sad past." American warplanes attacked a convoy of trucks that 
reportedly was carrying Afghan tribal elders to Karzai's inauguration; 65 
people were killed. There was a coup attempt in Haiti, and Argentina's 
president resigned. Santa Claus shot a woman in the face in São Paulo, 
Brazil, and two car bombs exploded outside police headquarters in Santa 
Cruz, Bolivia. Passengers subdued a large man who bit an American Airlines 
stewardess on a flight from Paris to Miami when she tried to stop him from 
igniting his shoe, which contained a makeshift bomb made from C-4 plastic 
explosive. Israel's army said it would reprimand several soldiers who 
recently set a booby trap at Khan Yunis in Gaza; the bomb, in what was 
termed an "operational mishap," blew up and killed five young boys, all 
cousins, as they walked to school. Rear Admiral John D. Stufflebeem said 
that looking for Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan was like "searching for 
fleas on a dog."

Tyson Foods, America's largest meat processor, was indicted for conspiring 
to smuggle Mexicans into the country to work in its plants. Former president 
Bill Clinton was worried that his legacy, particularly his "centrist" 
policies on education, crime, health care, and welfare, was receiving 
insufficient recognition. Homelessness was at record levels in many cities; 
experts pointed to a convergence of causes, which included the recession and 
mandatory expiration of welfare benefits. The World Bank said that 
rebuilding Afghanistan would cost $10 billion; the Bush Administration said 
that somebody else would have to pay that bill. The murder rate was up in 
most big American cities. A butcher in Dresden, Germany, confessed to 
killing and cutting up his girlfriend, who was found in small pieces 
scattered around town. Israeli officials decided not to let Yasir Arafat 
attend Christmas celebrations in Bethlehem. Sixty thousand Germans spent the 
night in a 90-mile traffic jam; roughly the same number of adult Hong Kong 
residents wet their beds because of job troubles.

It was revealed that a Minnesota flight instructor repeatedly called the 
F.B.I. last summer to warn that Zacarias Moussaoui, the first person 
indicted in the September 11 investigation, might be planning to use a 747 
loaded with fuel as a bomb. The attorney for John Walker, the young American 
Talib captured in Afghanistan, demanded without success to see his client, 
who has been held for over two weeks. "I said that U.S. citizens will not go 
into military tribunals," President Bush said when asked about Walker. "And 
so we'll make the determination whether or not he stays within the military 
system or comes through the civil justice system, the same system in 
America." Former president George Bush suggested "a unique penalty" for 
Walker: "Make him leave his hair the way it is and his face as dirty as it 
is and let him go wandering around this country and see what kind of 
sympathy he would get." The Salvation Army said it would fight to stay in 
Moscow after a city court upheld a ruling that defined the charity as a 
"paramilitary organization" that was out to destroy the Russian state. The 
French ambassador to Britain was accused of referring to "that shitty little 
country Israel" as the main source of the current international security 
crisis. Bush Administration officials told reporters that they tried as hard 
as they could to blame Iraq for the recent anthrax attacks but the evidence 
kept pointing back to America. Saddam Hussein published another novel. The 
death sentence of Mumia Abu-Jamal, the former Black Panther, was thrown out 
after twenty years. A police officer in Lima, Peru, accidentally shot off 
his partner's penis. Prince Harry of England, accompanied by Tiggy Pettifer, 
the royal nanny, bought a pair of feathery thong underwear. A Russian man 
was eaten by a bear. Scientists discovered a new kind of squid. Genetically 
modified mice were secreting malaria vaccine in their milk.

-Roger D. Hodge
Copyright © 2001 Harper's Magazine Foundation.




_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp.